Thoughts are present the entire day, both conscious and subconscious. When our thoughts are positive, we are usually not bothered by them. These thoughts are just there and can help us. When we experience mostly negative thoughts, it could lead to a negative feeling, which could result in tension. Because our body and mind are closely linked to each other, these negative thoughts not only lead to mental tension, but also physical tension. We tense our muscles subconsciously throughout the day. This could lead to shoulder and neck complaints, headache, or stomach and intestinal complaints. How the stress reveals itself through the body is different for everybody. What do you recognize?

Mental relaxation
You could find mental relaxation in mindfulness for example. The purpose of mindfulness is to let your thoughts be without judging them. There is a large variety of exercises, for beginners and advanced people. Mindfulness also exists as a science based psychological treatment, named Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT). You can also find mental relaxation in reading a book, going for a walk or doing a puzzle.

Physical relaxation
When you are having trouble with finding mental relaxation, you can also try to relax your body. Because our body and mind are so closely linked to each other, a physical relaxation can also lead to a mental relaxation. This will reduce negative thoughts and feelings. A good way to find physical relaxation is by doing a relaxation exercise that focusses on tensing and relaxing our muscles. The best moment to do such an exercise is when you experience tension, agitation or stress, for example halfway your day. You can also choose to do the exercise right before going to bed to promote a good night’s sleep.

Relaxation exercise
A well-known relaxation exercise is the Progressive Relaxation of Jacobson. This method is developed in the 20’s by an American doctor, Edmund Jacobson. Using this method you will learn to notice the tension in your muscles and subsequently let it go. The conscious relaxation of our muscles is not something that we are used to. Primarily we are used to tense our muscles, to grab something, to talk, to walk etcetera. We rarely experience a state of utter physical relaxation, except when we are sleeping. Relaxation is the absence of an activity or action. Because we almost always hold a certain tension in our muscles, all sort of physical complaints can arise like we mentioned earlier. That is why relaxing the muscles is very important. With the relaxation exercise of Jacobson you can learn this by subsequently tensing and relaxing various muscle groups throughout your body one by one. The purpose of this is learning to notice how tension in your muscles feels and how the absence of tension feels. In the end you will be able to evoke this relaxation during moments when you feel tension or stress. The original method that is developed in the 20’s took months to fully cope, but lucky for us there is a shorter version available that only lasts 10 to 15 minutes! On the short term this exercise can already promote a better sleep, reduce stress and decrease headaches. Try this relaxation exercise:

 

 

The time to relax is when you do not have time for it. – Sydney J. Harris

Have you ever had one of those days where your head feels completely stuffed? Days you find it hard to focus and the one thing you want to do is to crash onto the couch and turn of your brains? If you did, maybe relaxation exercises are the answer for you!

How does mental tension arise?

We live in an increasingly busy society: we work, take care of our kids, work out, have our hobbies and maintain our social contacts. For almost 24 hours a day we process all kinds of stimuli from the radio, TV, traffic, e-mail, social media… you can imagine that your brains are desperate for a break every once in a while. But in our hectic society relaxing your mind is the first thing that goes to waste. Because in order to watch TV, to read or to check your phone you need mental capacity. Where your body often gets the daily rest it needs, your brain doesn’t always have the same privilege. This can cause overstimulation: stress hormones are activated and it’s even harder to “turn off” your brains. This can result in insomnia, worrying and even depression, anxiety or a burn out. 

Performing breathing exercises

Luckily there is a simple and accessible exercise that you can apply daily to give your mind some peace and quiet: a breathing exercise. 

First, it is good to know that a breathing exercise can be used in every type of environment: at home, in the train, in the car or even at work. This has a huge advantage, because you will always have a trick up your sleeve when you feel your mental tension increasing.

When performing a breathing exercise you try to consciously breathe through your stomach. In the beginning this is easiest to do while laying flat on the ground in a quiet and calm room. Try to find a pleasant position and lay 1 or 2 hands on your stomach.

Step 1.

Try your best to breathe in through the stomach as calm and long as possible (but don’t force it). Notice how your hand, that’s laying on your stomach, moves upwards while your breathing in.

Step 2. 

Breathe out as slow and long as you can (without forcing yourself). Notice how the hand on your stomach moves back down while you’re doing that. You can even gently press your stomach.

Step 3. 

Keep repeating this up until a maximum of 20 minutes.

It may look very easy, but in order for you to really master this exercise, it is best to perform it twice a day with a duration of 10 minutes. As you get better at it, you can make it a bit harder for yourself: try the exercise while sitting or standing up, or try it while you’re moving. Or move from a quiet place to an environment with more distraction. When you master the exercise you can use it any time you like. 

The effect of the breathing exercise

While your learning this exercise you might experience some bodily sensations, such as dizziness, lightheadedness or a strange feeling in your stomach. This is totally normal and is part of the adjustment of your body to the new way of breathing. You’ll notice these effect will lessen over time, and at one point they will even disappear.

In the beginning you might not experience the relaxing effect right away. The better you learn to perform the exercise, the more you’ll notice that your head and your body will feel relaxed. Some people describe it as a lazy feeling. It’s really comfortable going to bed feeling this way, so when you’re dealing with insomnia this exercise might be a great one to try.

Practice makes perfect

Try to carry out the exercise every day for two weeks straights: twice a day for the duration of 10 minutes. Take your time, find a quiet place or play some relaxing music or sounds of nature on the background. You will not only feel more relaxed, but your resting heart rate and your resting breathing will decrease, which has a generally positive effect on your body.

In a previous blog we described the relaxing effect of nature and shinrin-yoku, the Japanese art of forest bathing. It is scientifically proven that forest bathing improves your immune system and gives you a relaxed feeling. But what do you do during a forest bath? We share some exercises for a nice forest bath.

Consciously slow down

Shinrin-yoku literally means “bathing in the atmosphere of a forest.” During a walk in the woods you usually don’t really pay attention to your surroundings. With shinrin-yoku, and with forest baths, you consciously slow down. You observe the forest in all possible ways.

A forest bath. How do you do that? 3 exercises

1. Walk slowly and stand still

Slow down your steps. Stand still occasionally. With a forest bath you take the time for everything. No route and no map. Follow your guts. You don’t have to walk for 15 kilometers. You don’t have to reach a goal, it’s all about the experience in the forest. A few kilometers is more than enough.

2. Bodyscan

You can do a bodyscan while walking. You scan your entire body. Start at your feet. How do they feel? Cold or warm? Tense or relaxed? Do you feel your socks? And how do your calves, thighs and hips feel? What about your belly, back and shoulders? Piece by piece, all parts of your body are scanned. How does your body feel? Everything is alright you don’t have to change anything.

3. Use all your senses

With a forest bath you activate all your senses. How? Focus on everything you hear, see, smell and feel. What do you hear? Your own breathing, whistling birds and some sounds further away. Look around. What do you see on the ground, in the sky and between the trees? Smell! Which scents do you perceive? Keep this up for a while. And don’t forget to “feel”. Grab a handful of forest ground, touch branches, feel the tree trunk. Use all your senses carefully.

It’s autumn!

Autumn is a good time to go into the forest. And not only because the leaves show a beautiful color palette. Autumn is also the time to let go. Leaves fall from the tree and feed the soil around the tree, so the tree can bloom again in the fall. Just like in life. Sometimes you have to let go of people, non-helping thoughts or old patterns, making room for something new. 

But first let things go. So hop into the forest! And discover what nature wants to tell you.

Want to read more? 

Read more about the positive effects of walking.

Only a few more days and then it’s 2022! My Christmas holiday has begun and despite the fact that there’s not a lot to do due to the lockdown, I notice that I don’t get enough rest. It’s like I’m glued to my phone and Netflix, preferably both at the same time. We work from home and I spend most of my day behind my computer screen. I am constantly online, but I notice that it actually causes me a lot of stress. Sometimes I need some me time. But what can you do? Below you will find 5 accessible tips.

1. Meditation

You may have heard this one a thousand times, but it really works! When you meditate, you really give your head a break and yourself the time to catch your breath. Without incentives and the constant need to absorb information. I personally like to use the Headspace app for guided meditation and their sleep casts. To come back to Netflix for a moment; Headspace has a short series on Netflix “Guide to Meditation”. Here you can learn the basics and they explain the science behind meditation! In this blog you can find more information about types of meditation and what suits you.

2. Read a book

Sometimes I have trouble reading books, because my brain is used to much more intense stimuli from my telephone or television. Still, it is good to read a book now and then. With a good book you forget the world around you and you become completely absorbed in the story. You can also give an audiobook a try! Lie back in bed or take a walk in a quiet area.

3. Listen to a podcast

Speaking of talking a walk while listening to something; one of my favourite selfcare moments are those walking and listening to a podcast. When the gyms were still open, I used to listen to them while working out. But, now a brisk walk will have to do! I personally like listening to investigative podcasts, these are some of my favourites (please not that they’re all in Dutch except for The Other Latif):

4. Cook a nice meal

Some people might think “Cooking?! You were talking about relaxation, right?”. But, for me, cooking really is taking a moment for myself. Getting away from that telephone, the television and all the stimuli, but focussing on a recipe and making a fresh meal. I love it! Put on some music or a podcast and make yourself some nice food. You’ve earned it!

5. Take a walk

Pre-corona I never was much of a walker. Yes, of course I loved doing it while on vacation. Everything was new and exciting there, but here in the Netherlands? It wasn’t necessarily my favourite thing to do. However, I’ve kind of discovered enjoying walks since corona. Because of the few things you are allowed to do, this feels kind of like an outing. At those moments I notice that it is an outing that really gives you a break. In addition, it is also much better to chill on the couch for an afternoon, after you have gotten some fresh air by taking a good walk! You feel a lot more productive.

Once in a while everyone feels tense of stressed out. Sometimes there is a clear cause and you know what is causing you distress. It is also possible that you don’t really know where the anxiety is coming from. 90% of the people experience (short term) anxiety. Anxiety can cause physical complaints like:

  • stomachache
  • back pain
  • headache
  • tiredness
  • pain in arms and legs
  • pain on your chest

Whether the cause of anxiety is clear or not: our goal is to overcome the symptoms! Are you wondering how you can undertake action without having to grab to (heavy) medication? There are a lot of natural remedies that helps us relax and cease anxiety!

Which natural remedies do you need in your kitchen cabinet?

  • Valerian: valerian pills have an calming effect. The chemicals in valerian help us sleep in and sleep through the night. It also doesn’t affect our focus in a negative way, making the product ideal! Valerian doesn’t work for everyone though.
  • St. John’s wort: St. John’s wort pills enhances your mood and can be taken when you have feelings of sadness. It often happens that antidepressants are replaced with a combination of valerian and St. John’s wort (sidenote: when it comes to (replacement of) medication always ask a doctor for advice!). The effect of St. John’s wort will show after a few weeks of using the herb.
  • Lavender: lavender has a tranquilizing effect. It helps against nervousness and feelings of irritation. It relaxed the nerves and muscles. Research shows that you will generally feel more relaxed and more happy when you structurally take lavender oil. It also reduces sleeplessness.
  • Passion flower: the passion flower has a calming effect. The effect is similar to that of valerian: the effect is calming but not anaesthetic, you will stay focussed. You can use passion flower in the form of oil, capsules or syrup.
  • Green tea: green tea contains i-theanine. I-theanine stimulates sleep. Research shows that green tea protects against psychological stress and depression in the elderly. Furthermore, green tea reduces pain (i.e. menstrual cramps).
  • Tea with lemon balm leaves: lemon balm is a medicinal plant and has a medical effect. It can be used to reduce sleeplessness, stress and panic attacks.

You can buy the remedies listed above (herbal remedies or teas) at the drugstore.

Beside natural remedies, it is also important to provide your body with the right nutrition. Try to become aware of your eating habits. Want to know more? Read here how your nutrition can impact your feelings.

NiceDay

Try to drink a few cups of green tea a day, but don’t drink your tea too strong. You can plan this activity in your Planner, this will make NiceDay remind you of drinking tea!

Do you recognize the following situation? Your son is lingering to eat his sandwich, no matter how much you try to rush him. You’re already running late, when suddenly he drops his cup of milk on the floor. You completely lose it; you start yelling, when normally you never would have. Afterwards, you feel incredibly guilty. What exactly happened here? Try to look at it according to the bucket metaphor.

The bucket metaphor

This bucket contains a certain amount of water (the water = tension). Once the bucket is completely full, adding the least amount of water (tension) will already cause it to run over. You notice this because you start reacting very emotionally. You become angry or sad, you feel like you can’t take it anymore or you have a sense of total helplessness. You did not reduce your tension in time (take water out of the bucket). This caused it to keep filling up with water. The bucket then becomes so full, that even the slightest amount of stress or strain is enough to cause the bucket to overflow, with all the consequences that entails.

In the ideal situation you ensure that your bucket contains as little water as possible. You will have a large reserve for when a situation arises that causes you tension, such as the death of a loved one or an upcoming renovation.

Taking water out of your bucket

It is very important that you find a good balance between tension and relaxation. Work, running the household, the kids, obligations; these all count as tension. There must be sufficient relaxing activities in return. Think of social contacts and sports, but also watching television, reading, listening to music, breathing exercises or relaxation exercises. This last category in particular ensures a real reduction in tension.

Too many activities

It might sound strange, but you can also create too much tension by taking on too many activities (even if they are relaxing activities!). Ending your long work day with an hour workout, cooking and doing the dishes, followed by drinks with your friends may sound fun, but it can be too much. Doing this once every few weeks won’t do any harm, but repeating it on a daily basis can cause too much stress or tension.

Listen to your body

Everyone has their own balance between (mental or physical) tension and (mental or physical) relaxation. You are your own best advisor in this! So, regularly try to notice what your body needs; do you need a quiet night in, or do you need a bit of physical activity? Your body will tell you when you take the time to listen to it! Your professional can help you find a good balance, or download the NiceDay app. Here you can register your activities and feelings, which will help you see when you should take some more time for relaxation.

Setbacks are a part of life and every person responds differently to setbacks. Some people get over it quite easily while others find it harder to process. They may even get depressed, depending on the issue. Core beliefs, such as “see, I am clumsy” play an important role in this process. Because research has shown that small incidents regularly play a role in the development of depression for some people. A colleague with whom you get along quite okay but who is suddenly ignoring you, rejection after a first date or you being clumsy at a wrong time are examples of small incidents which can have a big impact.

“See, im indeed…” reflex

This is a reflex that occurs during trivial moments, according to clinical psychologist Claudi Bockting. “See, I am not nice enough” for example can be a reflex that pops up and can reinforce the strong negative feelings that someone already has. We all have a set of those reflexes that make us more vulnerable. It is no surprise that most of those reflexes date back to our childhood; an absent parent or certain life experiences are often the source of those reflexes. In psychology, these reflexes are called core beliefs. In general it is very useful to have certain rules of life because it helps you to recognize responses from the people around you faster. “I was a bit hard on my partner” if you notice that your partner is irritated for example. People who are prone to depression or anxiety complaints often have rules that are much more strict. According to Bockting, their core beliefs are much more extreme and more rigid. This makes it very difficult for these people to change their mindset if a situation changes or something happens.

Dysfunctional core beliefs

If you notice that you are regularly upset by relatively unimportant events, it could be an indication that a dysfunctional core belief is the root of the problem. A few examples of dysfunctional thoughts are:

“If anything can go wrong, it will.”
“See, I’m a failure.”
“People always leave me.”
“I am useless.”

Creating new core beliefs

The good news is that you can develop new core beliefs or thoughts to counter your dysfunctional thoughts. This prevents you from spiralling into a black hole. If you keep thinking that “If anything can go wrong, it will”, you will only be focussed on the things that can go wrong. This means that whenever you are successful, you will think that it is a coincidence. In recent years, Bockting has developed cognitive training for people who had to deal with recurrent depression. She examined their dysfunctional core beliefs and created “dream core beliefs”. You can see them as a counterpart to the dysfunctional rules. Bockting indicates that the dream core belief does not necessarily have to be realistic, because the strict living rules you have are also not always realistic. Once you have established a dream rule, you can try to visualise it as much as possible and fantasise about it. Do this as extensively as possible. According to Bockting, this worked for her clients. This allows you to try out new situations with new rules that can help you in your life.

NiceDay app

Do you want to get started with exploring your core beliefs? Use the NiceDay journal entries. You can also plan when you want to fantasise about your “dream rules”. Good luck!

As a child you probably played a lot of board games. Can you still remember what it was like? Totally absorbed by a game, which may have made you a little too fanatic. Or experienced frustration because someone else was winning? Another important question: did you enjoy this? Yes? Then I would like to invite you to gather your friends, relatives, housemates, a nice date or colleagues and to play board games again in the old-fashioned way!

In the past, games were regularly played in the evening. It was one of the few forms of entertainment. Nowadays, in our free time, we mainly enjoy watching Netflix, TV programs or we are active on social media. There is nothing wrong with this. But board games do have some advantages!

Advantages of board games

  • A big advantage of the games is that you can play it anywhere.
  • Your playful side comes up.
  • You get to know your fellow players in a different way.
  • It can make an uncomfortable date more fun, just by playing a game.
  • Board games help you to be more in the here and now, because you are less distracted by your phone.
  • It’s relaxing.
  • You train your brain to become better.
  • Playing with colleagues is great and good team building.
  • They have a positive effect on your mood.
  • You learn to deal with loss.
  • It provides a distraction at times when life is a little disappointing.

Enough benefits! So let’s play!

These are a few games with simple rules, a short playing time and easy to take it with you.

Monopoly DealMonopoly deal

Who didn’t play Monopoly? For hours you were busy gathering money, buying streets and concluding dangerous deals. Personally, I found it a big disadvantage that this game lasted for hours. Good news: Monopoly Deal takes about 15 minutes! The aim of the game is the same and still fun to play!

Qwirkle cardsQwirkle 

Qwirkle Cards is a smooth card game based on the Qwirkle laying game. Form series of similar symbols of colors and lay cards with your own from other people’s series. To win this game you need some tactics and some luck. Personally, I like this game because you have to crack your brain in every neighborhood. Do you like games with symbols and figures? This is a game for you!

Qwixx – Dice game

Qwixx is a very simple game and it remains exciting until the last roll. You don’t have to wait for your turn, because if a player rolls dice, everyone can cause the throw!

Have fun playing!

In my previous blog I stated that I also intend to write about my less good days. Several adjustments in my life have ensured that these good days are no longer overshadowed by the bad ones. However, I still have days when things are not going well: I cry, have enormous frustration, deep uncertainties or a bad mood.

It’s not a competition

Since I am very busy with my personal development and I am very proud of the progress I have made in recent months, I am really disappointed by the bad days. I am very strict with myself. It therefore feels as if I receive one point for all my good days and a full score because a day which has “failed”. This mindset naturally makes me feel anything but better.

Fall back …

In the past two weeks I had a huge “relapse” feeling. I hadn’t had a fight with my boyfriend for weeks and now we had three fights in a row. Had not been crying for six weeks: now I have had four huge crying sessions in two weeks. In addition I feel super helpless about problems in my family, problem I cannot change. Also the summer period at work is really over and I have experienced enormous stress. Long story short: I felt really bad. However, if you feel bad, it doesn’t help you to feel bad because you feel bad. That feeling that you “fail” makes you feel even worse. I find it super difficult, but my wise lesson in situations like this: be kind to yourself! I found this article on the NiceDay site very useful. Be kind to yourself and do good self-care is the message.

Sometimes I just get lost for a while, sometimes it takes a little longer. But in the end I always get home again.

… and then get up again

So if you feel bad: just let that feeling come over you. Take the time you need to feel bad and only start to get “back up” when you are ready. Sadness, anger, gloom: it’s okay. And the moment you start to feel better again: take your life step by step. I talked it out with my boyfriend and we agreed on how to be nicer for each other; A visit to my family is planned and I will go on vacation for a week so that I can let go of the stress of my job. I’m not going to do too much on vacation, besides being very sweet to myself.

Competition or a walk

So, a lesson for myself: personal development is not a competition. I can’t win or lose. You can compare it to a walk: sometimes I take a beautiful route and sometimes I accidentally take the wrong turn. This turn can sometimes lead me to places I would rather not have been. Sometimes I just get lost for a while, sometimes it takes a little longer. But in the end I always get home again.

Love,

Mara

In my previous blog I explained how I got to the point of seeking help. I wanted to be able to deal better with certain thoughts and needed some support. In this article I want to tell you what I did to change my behavior, thoughts and attitude after my conversations with my coach Sarah were completed. Of course these are all things that work for me and maybe not for you but I hope I can give you some inspiration with my four tips!

#tip1: mindfulness

I try to meditate every day to calm myself, observe my thoughts, let go of unnecessary feelings or simply reflect on the day. By doing this regularly I am aware of the factors that cause me stress, but I also think of everything I am grateful for. Simple breathing exercises also ensure that I can overcome moments of panic or intense tension. I often use applications on my phone such as RelaxMelodies, Breathe and Youper to meditate or do other mindfulness exercises. There are of course many other options to explore when you start researching! Coach Sarah also pointed me to this article about progressive relaxation: very nice exercise if you have difficulty relaxing!

#tip2: the essential triangle of movement, sleep and nutrition

Enough exercise, enough sleep and good food: it sounds incredibly logical, but often not enough value is attached to these three things! The three factors are also very closely linked; good nutrition ensures that you sleep better; sleeping well ensures that you have more energy to move and movement in turn ensures a good night’s sleep. For me this triangle is the basis to feel good. If I don’t feel good physically, I will soon notice that in my mental well-being. Since a year I have been consistently exercising for the first time in my life by bootcamping twice a week and I find that it works wonders for my mental well-being. Sport helps me clear my mind. I find it incredibly difficult to not cling to my thoughts and my thoughts never stand still. An hour of exercise is the only moment for me to succeed. Never thought that I would ever enjoy killing myself in the open air: but I came to love it and wouldn’t want anything else!

#tip3: customized relaxation

This is a valuable tip for me which I received during my coaching trajectory from Sarah: relaxation is not synonymous to doing nothing. For some people doing nothing works great and that is of course super nice but if – like me – you really love planning and structure, doing nothing can feel incredibly useless and therefore sad. So: make lists and make a schedule if that suits you. I was always convinced that in my free time I had to relax by “doing nothing” while I am someone who has a to-do list for everything. I sometimes felt really useless after a night alone at home and this could even result in crying or provoking quarrels with boyfriend. Sarah reassured me by telling me that many people secretly love structure and things to do and it makes sense that you also look for this in your spare time. When I am home alone on days off I make sure I have a schedule with moments of relaxation such as watching series, reading a book, exercising and meditating.

#tip4: selfcare Sunday

It sounds like a cliché instagram hashtag but “Selfcare Sunday” has become sacred to me in recent months. Every Sunday I take a moment for myself to reflect on the week, write in my diary, do yoga exercises, meditate, read and put on a face mask so that I can fully relax. Sometimes this session lasts an hour, sometimes three. Of course it doesn’t always work to do it  on Sundays but then I make sure that I plan my moment a day earlier or later. My boyfriend knows this too and makes sure he doesn’t bother me while I go to our bedroom. Everyday I try to write down my feelings in the NiceDay app and I always look back on the week on Sunday: how I felt and what was the cause of it. I write all of these findings in my diary, as well as my goals for the coming week, things I am grateful for and the pitfalls that lie ahead. I notice that by writing things down, I can literally “write off” emotions and thoughts. I hereby give recognition to what I think and feel and believe that it is an important step in self-acceptance and feeling better about yourself!

Love and see you next time, 

 

Mara